The Dad Joke Award

I remember being a child and cringing every time my Dad used the same jokes over and over again. For a child this is the most embarrassing and annoying thing a father can do! This said I have found myself doing it more and more.

I recently read a post on Facebook that said ‘Do you like seafood? No it makes me eel! – If you laughed it means you are a dad!’ It pains me to say I laughed, hysterically, for 10 minutes. I use to find my dads jokes really bad and would frequently find myself embarrassed after he would say things like ‘Try the venison, It’s a little deer though!’ This said, something has happened in the last 2 years that has resulted in me changing my mind from thinking these jokes are appalling to thinking they are genius!

But with so many Dad jokes out there, which is the ultimate ‘Dad Joke’? I decided to try and find out. It is with great pleasure I present to you ‘THE DAD JOKE AWARD 2016’

I thought long and hard about how to make this a fair competition (by that I don’t mean like hook a duck or a coconut shy!) So I split the competition into 3 rounds, the first round: Nominations.


For the first round I consulted one of the UKs biggest collections of Dads ‘The Dad Network’ and parents ‘The 1st Facebook Scout Group’


Collectively there was a staggering 150 nominations. Some blue, some classics but all very funny (if you are a Dad!) I then began work on short listing the 20 that received the most ‘likes’ to go through to the next round, the 20 that made it through were:

  • What’s ET short for?………. Cos he’s got little legs.
  • I used to play triangle in a reggae band……I used to just stand at the back and ting
  • Man goes to docs and says, I’m having trouble hearing, doc says, can you describe the symptoms. Man replies yes, homer’s fat and marge has blue hair…..😂🙈
  • My friend who is a Baker has taken up Gardening……..Seemingly he is raking in the dough 😄
  • Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, “hey do you know how to drive this thing?”
  • Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke? He won a No-bell prize!
  • I took the shell off my pet snail to see if it would go any faster, but too be honest it was a little more sluggish.
  • Two elephants fall off a cliff…….. BOOM BOOM!
  • My sister challenged me to build a car out of spaghetti. She didn’t think I’d manage – you should have seen the look of surprise on her face when I drove pasta!
  • What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman………….snowballs 😂
  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?….NACHO CHEESE!
  • What’s the only cheese you can use to hide a horse. ….Mascarpone…
  • What kind of bees make milk?…..Boobies
  • Grandad, why have you got custard in one ear and jelly in the other?..You’ll have to speak up, I’m a trifle deaf
  • What do you feed your parrot…Pollyfiller……
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes? ….No eye deer.
  • I was trying to work out why the frisbee was getting bigger and bigger the nearer it came. And then it hit me.
  • Why do elephants have big ears? Cos noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom! 😜
  • What is brown and sticky?… A stick!!
  • Went to a fancy dress party with my girlfriend yesterday. She got on my back and the host said, ‘What have you come as?’ I said, ‘A tortoise.”So who is on your back?’ ‘That’s Michelle!!’


The competition had to be credible so the judge selection was crucial. How could I ensure only the best ‘Dad Jokes’ would make it into the final round? Then it hit me the best ‘Dad Jokes’ would be the jokes that most wives and children would find bad! So I recruited a panel of some of the harshest judges I have ever laid eyes on:

Corben – 9 years old, Anna – 21 (ish) and Amelia 9 years old

Their task was to simply rank each of the top 20 out of 10. What I didn’t tell them was that it was it was the jokes they scored the lowest that would be going through to the final! The jokes they thought were the worst had to be the best ‘Dad Jokes’!


It was time to return to the ‘The Dad Network’ to vote for the best out of the 5 finalists. 84 votes were cast and there was only 11 votes between the top two! It has been a long journey and I would like to thank everyone who nominated and voted.


Finally with out further ado (not sure what an ‘ado’ is!), it gives me great pleasure to announce ‘The Best Dad Joke 2016’ is:

‘My sister challenged me to make a car our of spaghetti, She didn’t think I would manage. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!’

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